I would guess that most people who have known us for any length of time know that we have 3 children, 1 of whom is in in the arms of Jesus. Many people know the majority of the story, and there are still a few of you reading this who actually walked through that season with us, and you may be thinking, "Huh? I didn't know Molly's death had ANYTHING to do with vaccinations." There are very few who know about the association of Molly's death with immunizations, because we have rarely brought it up. I guess just about the only time it's ever brought up anymore is when we have to start with a new doctor for our children, and invariably the doctor asks if our children are up to date on their shots. Along with my "no" response i always say, "My children seem to be in that so-called 'low-risk' category of severe reactions." When i explain that our first baby died following shots and Emily nearly died following shots, (so far) i have never had so much as a strange look, a rebuttal, a reprimand; the doctor thankfully moves on.
So if you're just getting to know us and have no idea who Molly is or even what the bare bones of the story is - Molly Beth was our first baby, born on May 9, 1994. It was several hours before we learned that she had Down's Syndrome and A.V.Canal Defect, a common heart defect that is also very common to down's children. We were told she'd need to have surgery at some later point, and were sent to AR Children's Hospital for a consultation a couple weeks later. The surgery date would depend on how quickly she gained enough weight to withstand heart surgery.
On July 8 she had a heart catheterization, after which they reported that it was pretty much like they expected - a couple more little holes than they'd originally thought, but not a big deal - surgery expected to go well. The date still wasn't set yet because she'd not yet gained enough weight. A week later, on July 14, she had her 2-month shots as recommended by her pediatrician. Two days later, on Saturday evening, i was calling the doctor in a panic because, after crying in the backseat of the car for just a couple of minutes, she was soaked with sweat (a sign of heart failure). He told me to bring her into the office first thing Monday morning, and surgery was set for September 1.
The heart cath on July 8 was the last major test they did on her before surgery. The only thing that had been stressed to us repeatedly was that her recovery was likely to be a roller-coaster of ups and downs, that there was no way to predict how long it would take her to recover. Not one medical professional indicated that there was anything unusual to be concerned about beyond the fact that open-heart surgery was being done on a not-quite-4-month-old-baby who weighed just barely over 9 lbs. "This surgery is done hundreds of times in this hospital every year; it's a very familiar surgery," one of the doctors told us.
On the morning of September 1, i sang "Jesus Loves Me" and the rest of my usual repertoire to Molly, then Randall & i carried her as we were escorted down to the surgery area. My friend, Diane, who worked at ACH, accompanied us as well. We handed her over with tears, then went to wait with the family in the surgery waiting room. Someone from the surgery team called us after a while to let us know they had cut into her and started the surgery.
I don't remember the length of time we waited - i think it was only 2-3 hours - but at some point the anesthesiologist came to our waiting room to talk with us. I instinctively knew this was not a good sign. I remember looking around at everyone's faces in disbelief as i heard "there are more holes than we thought... her heart is like swiss cheese... there's no way to repair it... don't know how she survived this long... we'll have to close her up and put her on a heart-lung machine... 30% chance of survival".
I SO clearly remember wondering and asking, "What about all the tests that were done? Why did they not show this?" All i got was the doctor shaking his head and saying he didn't know.
So, on September 8, after 1 week in the ECMO unit, showing no signs of improvement, her kidneys showing signs of shutting down, we were told she needed to be taken off. One of the nurses put a bow in her hair, and they gave Randall and me a chance to hold her one more time (see photo of me holding her). I finally handed her back and we had to wait outside the room while the surgical procedure was done to remove her from the ECMO unit. She died immediately.
Fast forward now to 15 months later. December 14, 1995, Emily Anne was 4 months old when i took her to the doctor to get her shots. Five days later she and i were at home, she'd just awakened from a morning nap, and i picked her up and immediately started getting her ready to go, as i had plans of going to the mall. I carried her around the house for a minute, not really looking at her face until i laid her down on the couch to put her snowsuit on. I nearly collapsed at the sight of her. She was "awake", but her lips were the color of death (remembering Molly). I practically panicked; Randall and i had taken an infant CPR class when i was pregnant with her, but at least at that time, they didn't teach you what to do when your baby is "awake" but obviously not breathing right. I couldn't even remember Randall's phone number to call him. I called the ambulance, then remembered Randall's number. It took until we got to the hospital before she began to stabilize. They kept her overnight to run tests and monitor her. The doctor called it a "near-miss with SIDS" (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and put her on a heart monitor for the next 6 months.
Fast forward again to approximately 1 year - 15 months later. I stumbled onto a book about vaccinations, looked at the contents and saw a section on SIDS, wondered what on earth did vaccinations have to do with SIDS. Literally, one day i had NO idea there was any controversy over vaccinations; the next i was weeping and grieving and angry over the insanity of what i was reading. I already knew that Emily's near-miss had occurred so close to her 4-month shots. I dug out Molly's shot record and discovered the undeniable time connection between her 2-month shots and when she first started experiencing heart failure. I did not base my conclusions on just the one book; i read everything i could find. I ordered all of Molly's medical records from Children's Hospital, the local hospital where she was born, and her pediatrician's office.
I must emphasize here at this point - nothing in any of the medical records indicate a connection between Molly's 2-month vaccinations and her death. Her death certificate states the cause of death being "Complete A.V. Canal Defect/Trisomy 21." There is nothing in Emily's medical records that ties her 4-month shots to the near-miss with SIDS 5 days later. If Molly had NOT had the shots, would she have survived the surgery? I don't know. It's impossible to say. However, i CANNOT reconcile the discrepancy between the heart cath report and the actual surgery report, with shots and almost immediate signs of heart failure in between, PLUS Emily's experience. This is a matter of two children in the same family having fatal and near-fatal reactions to vaccinations. Is it any wonder then that we've chosen to never do vaccinations again. Emily has not had a single shot since i uncovered this...and Andrew has never had a single shot, at all. And, i might add, Andrew has always been crazy healthy.
I also must emphasize very strongly that i'm not trying to convince everyone that vaccinations should be eliminated/outlawed. I'm sure they have their purpose (although there is a disclaimer to that below). What i do believe is that every parent must, MUST be informed! Do your research. Think it through. Pray about it. Decide what is best for your children. If you decide that you'd rather risk the complications than risk the disease itself, then do it, and be at peace with it. If your child suffers complications as a result of the vaccination, don't beat yourself up with guilt. Fortunately i never suffered guilt from giving Molly her vaccinations because i know i did it in complete ignorance.
But here's the flip side of the controversy, and the reason i chose to finally go public with our story. Just because you've done your research and you believe your children should be immunized, DON'T criticize or judge ME because i choose NOT to. Just yesterday i saw a conversation on facebook where one person was complaining about parents who send their children to school despite being sick, and another responded with a complaint about parents who don't get their children and themselves vaccinated. I cannot speak for everyone who refuses vaccines, but of the many people we know who refuse vaccines we are NOT irresponsible, we are NOT lazy, we are NOT idiots, we are NOT trying to be rebels. These decisions have been made through education and prayer. Vaccinations are already pushed by the medical community; why do people think they have to campaign on facebook and other public forums for mass immunizations as well?
We do not believe there should ever be legislation taking away a parent's rights to choose what they believe is right for their children. Randall & i have done our research, we have thought it through, and we have decided that we'd rather risk the disease than the vaccine. Many people would argue that our unvaccinated children are putting their vaccinated children at risk. This is something that didn't make sense to me even before i had children: if in your mind the vaccines are doing what they are supposed to be doing, then why are you worried about your child getting the disease? Shouldn't it be my child who is more at risk? If your vaccinated child contracts the disease from my unvaccinated child, then what's the point in the vaccine...?
So by telling our story we hope to make more people aware that there is not only a hot controversy over, but that there is indeed a dark side, to immunizations. I will not go into details about the dark side except to say, mercury... formaldehyde... Thimeroseal... tissue from aborted babies... Robert Kiyosaki says, "If you want to find the source of a problem, follow the money."
So realize that this is more than just an issue over parents being lazy, irresponsible, difficult, or stupid. It's a full-blown can of worms, and when you open it you may just faint from the toxic smell.
